


I'm dying

by Buttonforbutter



Category: DCU, Green Lantern - All Media Types, The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 02:52:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16735704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttonforbutter/pseuds/Buttonforbutter
Summary: AU where Barry has cancer. He has stage four lymphoma cancer. Nobody knows because when the doctors figured out he had cancer it was too late to really do anything. The doctors told him he has a month to live and that he better make that a fun month.





	I'm dying

**Author's Note:**

> I want to apologize for the bad summary. I think I'm going to have an asthma attack and when you kill yourself, people don't get the money but when you die of an asthma attack of which you can't control (you can't ever control asthma) they'll get money. So like yeah, death for me.
> 
> Also this is really sad like what the hell Bell.

I never told anyone that I was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer. Stage four lymphoma cancer. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to tell people but I didn't want to die remembering everyone pitying me, knowing that I'll die in a month. So, I didn't tell people. I told absolutely no one. No one except for my online counselor. 

I tried making the best of everything too. I spent money like I didn't care. And everytime the Justice League needed help, I was there. Arthur did ask me if something was wrong but I told him that I just got way different views on everything. He didn't question me farther but I knew that he didn't believe in me. 

"Buzz, Buzz." My phone went off. Hal was calling me. I took a deep breath in, and then slowly out before I accepted Hal's call. 

"Hey bear I'm sorry. I can't come over today." My heart dropped when Hal said what he said. I was going to die tomorrow. I really needed someone to come over today and why not a better person than my boyfriend. I needed him to come over. 

"What are you doing?" I asked Hal. If he was just doing something for work or going out with friends, it could wait a day. Anything could wait a day because I wasn't going to be here for another day. 

"I'm going to go to a mission in OA."

"Are you sure you can't come over?"

"Yeah, It's a mission to the OA. It's important. They're always important. You should know this. Are you okay?"

"Hal, I just need to come over, please. I need you." 

"What if I come over tomorrow?" Hal asked. I was sort of mad at him. I knew that I shouldn't be mad at him. It wasn't his fault for having a mission in OA. It wasn't his fault that he was busy. It wasn't his fault that I hadn't tell him that if he came over tomorrow the only thing he'll be seeing is my dead body. 

"I really need you to come over before tomorrow. I need you to come over today." I wanted to tell Hal but I would feel more comfortable to leave him a note and right when I die, I would tell him to read it. 

"Barry, what's going on? And actually tell me." Hal requested. I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to tell anyone. That was the last thing that I wanted to do. I might as well though. Hal was going to OA and I couldn't stop him. It was better for him to figure out in advance than to figure out days, months, years later. Exaggerating with the years later part. 

"Fine, if you really want to know. Just know that I didn't want to tell you, not yet. But I'm dying. I have stage four lymphoma cancer. I'm going to pass tomorrow, that's why I need you today." When I was talking, I heard Hal breathing normally in the beginning of my words but then when I said that I was dying, his breathing had gone silent. 

"Fuck. Barry. How long have you known this for?" Hal asked. I felt guilt wash all over my body. Regret was in the air. I knew that I should've told him earlier, I was just too much of a wuss to tell him. 

"For a month. I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want my last month to be full of people being sad and trying to hide it to make me feel better. Plus, Bruce would not put me on any missions." I explained to Hal. 

"I'm coming over now. I just wished you would've told me sooner. I would've made every moment count." Hal said. I could tell that he was moving around because I heard shuffling in the background. 

"Hal, I - I love you." I said before I hung up the phone. I really did love him a whole lot. 

It became harder to breath all of a sudden. I guess that I was dying today instead of tomorrow.

I took a seat on my couch and turned on some tv so I could distract myself with the thought of me dying. Netflix sounded far too ideal at the moment. 

I had known that I was going to die for a whole month, I even prepared myself. I knew that I might get a little emotional but this had a lot more emotion in it than I expected. Maybe because it was the day before I planned to die. Or maybe because I was expecting the love of my life to visit me and I might die and the last time that I seen him would be when Carol was flirting with him and I bashed her arm into a compound fracture. Whatever the case was, I was a lot more emotional than I had planned to be and wanted to be. 

My door opened and I turned around to see that Hal had opened it. For some odd reason my mind was telling me that Eobard had opened up the door. My mind was probably telling me that because I associated him with death itself, and since I was going to die soon, why not a better time for him to show up?

"Geez Bear, I can hear you wheezing." Hal said, going quiet before speaking up again. "Is it going to be today? Don't tell me it's going to be today." Hal sounded sad, really sad. That was reasonable though. The other half of him that made him complete was going to die soon, maybe sooner than expected. 

I wanted to tell Hal no. I wanted to tell him that me wheezing was just to scare him. I wanted to tell him that I really didn't have cancer and me saying that I had cancer was just the most terrible excuse of me wanting to hang out with him. Most of all, I wanted to convince myself of these things. Emotional again. 

"I'm sorry Hal. I'm sorry for everything bad I have ever done to you,  _to anyone_. I just-" I paused, tears welting up in my eyes. I knew the tears would fall from my eyes any moment now. "The thing that I'm really sorry about is the day that you fell for me. You could've fell in love with someone that you would grow old and grew together but you can't do that with me because this is as old as I'll ever get. So, I'm sorry." 

"Barry don't apologize. It's not your fault that you're funny, charming, smart, have that smile that made me go to wonderland the day I seen it. Don't apologize. I'll never ever, ever regret falling for you Barry Allen. Don't forget that even when you're dead and doing ghostly things and haunting the watchtower, well specifically Bruce. Just, don't forget that I love you because I'll never forget that you love me." Hal was crying now. So was I.

Us crying gave me back a memory of when we were on one of our first missions together. It was just the two of us and I remember it so vividly. We had just defeated this weird outer space queen lady. We both were crying because we were so happy that she was gone and locked away. It took us five hours just to defeat her. Then Hal took us to a bar with drinks on him. That was also the moment that I fell for him. Hal told me that that was also the moment he fell for me. 

My vision started to become blurry. I nestled my head into Hal's chest and he hugged me. I could hear his heartbeat. That was the most soothing thing about this moment. The rhythmic beating of his heart. Of Hal's heart. Hal's heart. Hal.

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of don't want to do though.
> 
> Don't think that I forgot to end this. Barry just died while hearing Hal ultrasound-soothing heartbeat. :)
> 
> Reality: :(


End file.
